Practicing Forgiveness

Forgive to Live: The 4-Stage Path to Emotional Freedom

“Tender dreams cannot thrive in toxic soil.” – Mary Morrissey

There’s a silent force that keeps more people stuck, resentful, and drained than any other.

It’s not failure.
It’s not rejection.
It’s not even fear.

It’s unforgiveness.

It starts small. A stinging comment. A broken promise. A betrayal. And instead of healing, we let the bitterness fester. One day we look up and realize we’ve built a whole identity around what someone else did to us.

Sound familiar?

You’re not alone. And you’re not broken. But if you’re ready for a breakthrough—if you’re ready to take back control of your energy, your emotions, and your future—it begins with one choice: Forgive.

Why Forgiveness Is So Hard (But So Necessary)

Most people avoid forgiveness because they think it’s about letting someone else off the hook. But here’s the truth:

Forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about you.

It’s about releasing yourself from the mental and emotional prison that someone else’s actions created. As long as you hold onto resentment, they still have power over your peace. As long as you carry bitterness, you’re blocking your own blessings.

“Forgiving yourself shifts your energy from pain to power.”

And that’s what this article is all about: helping you shift your energy—your life—from pain to power.

Let’s start with a working definition.

What Is Forgiveness, Really?

Forgiveness is the conscious choice to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward someone who has harmed you—whether they deserve it or not.

It’s not:

• Forgetting what happened

• Pretending it didn’t matter

• Excusing bad behavior

• Re-entering a toxic relationship

It is:

• Reclaiming your power

• Letting go of being a victim

• Choosing peace over pain

• Healing from the inside out

The Four Stages of Forgiveness

While forgiveness isn’t always linear, most of us travel through four distinct stages as we process hurt and move toward emotional freedom.

Let’s break them down:

Stage 1: Anger and Blame

This is where it begins. You feel wronged, wounded, or betrayed—and you're justifiably angry.

You might say things like:

• “They shouldn’t have done that to me.”

• “I’ll never forgive them.”

• “I can’t move on until they make it right.”

Anger is a natural response to pain, but it becomes toxic when it lingers too long. It clouds judgment, steals joy, and often leads to bitterness.

Reflection Question:
What anger are you still holding onto—and how is it affecting your life?

Stage 2: Awareness and Willingness

Here’s where you begin to realize the cost of holding on.

You may not be ready to forgive just yet, but you start asking:

• “Is this pain really serving me?”

• “What would it look like to let go?”

• “Could there be another side to this story?”

You stop identifying solely with the suffering. You begin to reclaim your power of reaction. You become willing to feel something different.

Reflection Question:
What belief is keeping you stuck in pain—and are you willing to challenge it?

Stage 3: Release and Recommitment

This is where you let go—not just of the anger, but of the story that keeps you stuck.

You may use tools like:

• Journaling

• Meditation or prayer

• Writing a letter you don’t send

• Visualization

You forgive not to excuse, but to move on. You forgive because your dreams are too sacred to be planted in toxic soil.

Reflection Question:
What would change in your life if you fully let go of this burden?

Stage 4: Mastery and Peace

At this stage, forgiveness becomes second nature. You no longer carry old wounds. You catch new offenses early and release them quickly.

You develop compassion. You stop taking things personally. You live lighter, love deeper, and show up as your best self.

This stage isn’t about being passive—it’s about choosing peace on purpose.

Reflection Question:
Where in your life can you practice pre-forgiveness? (Choosing not to get offended in the first place.)

3 Pillars of Forgiveness

1. Separate the being from the behavior
   You may never forgive the act—but you can forgive the person. This is where healing begins.

2. Recognize you don’t know the whole story
   We don’t excuse bad behavior, but we can acknowledge that we don’t see the full picture. Empathy doesn’t equal agreement.

3. Ask for help to release resentment
   Whether through prayer, journaling, or therapy—don’t try to do it alone.

“Forgiveness is a you-and-you deal.” No one else can do it for you.

Why Forgiveness Is the Key to Growth

Unforgiveness is more than an emotional issue—it’s a spiritual and physiological one.

Research shows that holding on to resentment:

• Increases stress hormones

• Weakens the immune system

• Impacts sleep and heart health

• Limits your capacity for happiness and creativity

Meanwhile, forgiveness has been linked to:

• Increased empathy and resilience

• Greater relationship satisfaction

• Lower anxiety and depression

• A stronger sense of purpose

It’s not just healthy—it’s necessary.

How to Practice Forgiveness Daily

Try these rituals and exercises to strengthen your forgiveness “muscle”:

• The Morning Check-In:
  Start your day with the question: “What (or who) do I need to forgive today?”

• The Letting Go Letter:
  Write out your feelings with full honesty. Then tear it up, burn it, or release it into nature as a symbolic act.

• The Micro-Moment Shift:
  When a stranger cuts you off in traffic or someone says something rude—choose to breathe and say, “This doesn’t belong to me. I let it go.”

• Affirmation Practice:
  Repeat: “I forgive to set myself free. I release this hurt and open myself to healing.”

Reflection Prompt:
What small offense can you forgive today as practice for bigger healing tomorrow?

What If You Can’t Forgive Yet?

That’s okay. Start where you are. Just the willingness to want to forgive is a powerful step.

If the hurt is deep, go slow. Be gentle with yourself. Talk to a trusted friend or coach. Do the emotional work.

But don’t let the pain be the final word in your story.

“You don’t forgive because they deserve it. You forgive because you deserve peace.”

Forgiveness Is Freedom

Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting the past. It’s about not letting it rob your future.

You are not the pain someone caused you. You are not the story you’ve carried.
You are more.
You are worthy.
You are free to choose again.

And that choice begins now.

Let’s Begin Today

Take five minutes right now.

• Who do you need to forgive?

• What do you need to forgive yourself for?

• What resentment are you ready to release?

Or send this to someone who needs to read it.

And if you're on a journey of growth and healing, I invite you to join my Business Leadership Coaching, and let’s do the work together.

Because you deserve a future that’s not defined by your past.